reasons (excuses)

I've been contemplating leaving my job at AT&T for a while now to pursue my own company full time and it has finally come to pass. God has blessed my family once again with not only the chance to start a new full time career but to leave with some coin to sustain in our pockets. So Friday May 1st will be my last day at my current job and will begin my career as a full time entrepreneur.

As you might imagine we've been in heavy prayer about this decision. My wife Larissa, as always, has been a rock for me. Consistently believing that God is going to do great things.
I've been referring to the job change as "a leap of faith". That coined phrase encompasses much more than just my change in career though. For the past four years I've used my two jobs as an excuse as to why I haven't fully sunk myself into ministry. My "schedule" just wouldn't permit or so I'd reason. So now as my job count is cut in half, I'm excited about sinking. As I sit to write this entry, I can visualize all the things I want to do with that extra time from having longer more devoted quiet prayertime to playing in the band at church to witnessing to others. The list goes on and on ranging from miniscule goals to grandiose dreams.

But I am no stranger to myself. I've been with me from the very start. I know my heart. I know that often my desire to do my Lord's work is very real but it more than often never comes to fruition. Perhaps I should take a few college courses studying biology. My first question would be...what is the name of the organ that acts as a barracade between my heart and my hands, feet and mouth? I don't know the name for it but it seems to be the most active organ in my body. Why is it that I can sit here and write out missionary goals for myself but the most action they see remains on the keyboard? Excuses abound in my life. I masquerade them as "reasons". I'm trying to truly examine the usage of those two words in my life. They are not synonymous!! I use the word "reason" as a tool to hide shame. I'm tired of making excuses my reason for not doing my Father's work.

When I made less money, I told myself "if I only had a few more dollars". When I was single, "if I only had a wife." When I had two jobs, "if I only had more time." When I didn't have anymore excuses, "if I only had a good reason." There is no good reason! Read Luke 14:15-23 when Jesus told the parable of the great banquet. My Lord is very clear about what He thinks about excuses.

Please hold me accountable. I long to feast at the banquet.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

our intentions

"Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg."

Let me start by saying that I absolutely love this day. Easter is the accumulation of what God desired for us all along. And I worship Him for this perfect day that we celebrate! It is a joyous celebration with our family and the body of Christ. It's a day full of good eats and photo-ops! Easter Sunday morning has always been, at least in the South, a day that the ladies can wear their beautiful dresses, the gentlemen their finely pressed suits and the little baby girls their lace-trimmed bonnets. (My baby girl looked especially sweet in hers!) Even I got in on the action this morning and broke out my sweater vest/necktie combo! Everyone has, indeed, shown up to worship our Lord in their very best with every detail raked over with a fine-toothed comb. And their efforts have paid off - everyone looks absolutely stunning!

But as I get settled in after a great day of worship and ham-mashed tater-roll sandwiches, I loosen my tie and and think to myself, why isn't every day like Easter Sunday morning? No I don't want to get all gussied up every day - I don't have that many sweater vests! What I mean to say is, shouldn't we go over our lives with a fine-toothed comb? Shouldn't we strive to present our very best to our Lord and Savior every moment of the day?

While the lunch ladies at Luby's might be easily fooled by our outward pin-stripped appearance, our God is certainly not. He sees us for how we are. While many might show up to Sunday worship in an Armani suit, God sees their lives the rest of the week. And sadly, I believe that for many of us, He sees our lives and we're clothed in mere rags. I think that we dress our lives up thinking that the Creator will look down from Heaven and be fooled. Our suits consists of going to church every Sunday, volunteering to say grace at an afternoon luncheon, not drinking, smoking, cursing, or hanging out with folks that do, wearing t-shirts that are cleverly Christian, and, lastly, just "living a good life". To me those things seem to be footy pajamas, simple deeds we put on as toddlers in the faith. So often, though, we become perfectly suited to our meager attempt to appear holy. But that is not holiness nor is God impressed. Why do we wait to be patted on our heads for things that we don't do or for doing things that we enjoy?

Everyone's intention on Easter Sunday morning is to show up looking prestine and to impress those around them. We're looking for others to look at us and say "Wow you look great!" And while that is perfectly nice, shouldn't we be more concerned how God sees us. While I might show up in my dandiest suit, most of the time I'm dressed in blue jeans and a wrinkled shirt. My day to day dress does not coincide with my Sunday morn attire. My intention is to look debonaire and suave, but on the other side of noon I'm neither of those things. I think that quite often my spiritual life is a lot like this as well. I wake up fired up to do God's work but when I arrive to face the day the reality of a coward's life presents itself. An unfaithful soldier comes marching in. Sure....I'm dressed the part....ready to serve in battle but when the time is ready, I stand at ease.

I'm ready to stop only appearing to be a Christian and start putting my life where my mouth is. Christ took my place on the cross. I deserve to be the one being beaten across my back and to be nailed to a tree. My clothes should be blood stained but because of Him, my God sees me washed white as snow. So with that I pray to be done with this former life. Clearly, by the grace of God, I'm not suited for a life as a poser.

the before

So the immediate question is..."what does the Holy Bible say about what makes a man (or woman) a disciple?"

To get started here's a quick rundown of what is the heart of a disciple...and how I stack up. This was quite the kick in the rear!

1. A disciple must have assurance of salvation. Ok so I definitely have number one checked! My Father proves to me each day that I have been rescued. I have died to myself and have been born again to my new life in Jesus Christ.
   

2. A disciple walks in the fullness and power of the Holy Spirit. It's the word "fullness" that I cannot confess to.

3. A disciple demonstrates love for God, his neighbor, his fellow disciples, and his enemies. I think that to some they definitely feel the outpour of love that my Father has placed upon my heart but to others I cloud it with sarcasm and casualness.

4. A disciple is one who knows how to read, study, memorize, and meditate upon the Word of God, to hide its truths in his heart. Oh man, this one is a real kidney punch! This is one that needs the prayers of those around me. Memorizing scripture has never been a discipline of mine. I usually read for overall content but having the words of my Father right on the tip of my tongue at all times sounds joyful!

5. A true disciple of Jesus is a man of prayer. Better than I used to be, but still miles and miles away from where I should be.

6. The disciple is one who is obedient, who studies the Word of God, and obeys the commands of God in a lifestyle that honors the Lord Jesus Christ. I wish I could check yes to all of the above but I cannot. That's sort of the point behind this journey!
   

7. A disciple is one who trusts God and lives a life of faith. At first glance, I would say yes, but then why do I do so little. Why do I talk myself out of daily witnessing to others if I truly trust Him? Why do I side more with my image and reputation than with the tugging of the Holy Spirit? So I guess the answer is no.
   

8. A disciple understands God's grace. Is this really only the second time I've been able to check something off my list? Yes, yes, yes. Everyday. Every hour. That's why I'm fed up with it all. He does so much for me and I deserve nothing yet I do nothing for Him and He deserves everything!
   

9. A disciple is one who witnesses for Christ as a way of life. Not as a way of life though this is my desire for sure. I'm just a coward many times.
   

10. A true disciple of the Lord Jesus worships God in the fellowship of his church. Sundays mostly....like every other.

So that's where I stand at the beginning of my journey. Where to start?