reasons (excuses)

I've been contemplating leaving my job at AT&T for a while now to pursue my own company full time and it has finally come to pass. God has blessed my family once again with not only the chance to start a new full time career but to leave with some coin to sustain in our pockets. So Friday May 1st will be my last day at my current job and will begin my career as a full time entrepreneur.

As you might imagine we've been in heavy prayer about this decision. My wife Larissa, as always, has been a rock for me. Consistently believing that God is going to do great things.
I've been referring to the job change as "a leap of faith". That coined phrase encompasses much more than just my change in career though. For the past four years I've used my two jobs as an excuse as to why I haven't fully sunk myself into ministry. My "schedule" just wouldn't permit or so I'd reason. So now as my job count is cut in half, I'm excited about sinking. As I sit to write this entry, I can visualize all the things I want to do with that extra time from having longer more devoted quiet prayertime to playing in the band at church to witnessing to others. The list goes on and on ranging from miniscule goals to grandiose dreams.

But I am no stranger to myself. I've been with me from the very start. I know my heart. I know that often my desire to do my Lord's work is very real but it more than often never comes to fruition. Perhaps I should take a few college courses studying biology. My first question would be...what is the name of the organ that acts as a barracade between my heart and my hands, feet and mouth? I don't know the name for it but it seems to be the most active organ in my body. Why is it that I can sit here and write out missionary goals for myself but the most action they see remains on the keyboard? Excuses abound in my life. I masquerade them as "reasons". I'm trying to truly examine the usage of those two words in my life. They are not synonymous!! I use the word "reason" as a tool to hide shame. I'm tired of making excuses my reason for not doing my Father's work.

When I made less money, I told myself "if I only had a few more dollars". When I was single, "if I only had a wife." When I had two jobs, "if I only had more time." When I didn't have anymore excuses, "if I only had a good reason." There is no good reason! Read Luke 14:15-23 when Jesus told the parable of the great banquet. My Lord is very clear about what He thinks about excuses.

Please hold me accountable. I long to feast at the banquet.

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